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211 Exercise Blackpool Magic
7 – 9 May 2010 (advanced party 5 – 7 May 2010) Like many great army exercises of recent times, this one was to be no exception, like “Lion-heart” and “Crusader”, meticulously planned by a small team of dedicated men, the likes of sorts that the British army will never see again. Finland and Pepper from the North were acknowledged for not only the boldness, tenacity and intrigue for this escapade but for many more in years gone by. Their knack of picking a bowling related challenge on each camp they planned to test the skills of the men always beg the question of Finland’s influence and motives. Then again there was that one time at this training location in distant memory, we recall a driving challenge to test the men’s resolve. Miracles happened that day, the sick, the lame and the lazy who usually dipped out of the bounty tests were all miraculously cured of all ailments and could drive as quick as the wind. Our thanks went to the Rev. Greenaway for performing that miracle, if only we could bring Barry back into the fold. However this year’s exercise could have been all so different, in fact may not have happened at all. During the events conception meeting back in Scarborough in 2009, the Chairs address was rudely interrupted by a point of order “Human Rights” was raised!! by those militants Start supported by Stewart and others. After some debate these issues were amicably dealt with by the floor, there was no room for Human Rights in this man’s army and smoking would be banned between courses during the regimental dinner. After that initial hiccup the plans were made and joining instructions sent out, we could all now start making plans and packing our kit for the exercise. What kit would we need, wet weather kit and thermal undies or was it to be eye protection and lightweights, the joining instructions had not been clear as to whether the sun had been ordered or not. Behind the scenes comrades were contacting each other, planning tactics and arranging lifts to maximise their travel claim (or not) to the exercise. As the time got closer concerns were raised regarding the advantage gained by those attending on the advance party, the usual suspects of Dean, Hall, Larcombe and Fromson set the alarm bells ringing. The decision was made that the PXR author needed to arrive early without invitation and report back any contriving or corrupt activities. Myself and Les arrived by train late on Wed 5 May, well after midnight, only to find on arrival the crew, more commonly known as the “Shandy Drinkers” had broken the curfew. The next morning I realised that I had been fleeced at cards and their usual tactics of plying people with drinks to confuse and disguise what they were up to worked, I hardly remember a thing and had a splitting headache! After breakfast we paraded outside the hotel, Dixie as usual wearing a different uniform to everyone else, a knotted hanky on his head. The shandy boys decided we should nip down to Fleetwood as it was pleasant and only around the corner. After travelling a while the guys started muttering some confused nonsense about not remembering it was this far away, when they came last time it wasn’t that far etc, etc (senior moment) and then the conversation got onto which direction Manchester is in! This was quite a serious issue for some and it finished with the Taxi driver having to intervene as the conversation got out of hand and became more like a full on battle assault. As that debate ended the discussion got onto the map reading skills of the advance party and how they always get lost on all of their tours. And just to settle this once and for all, Ron “D Do Ron Ron” congratulations you once again have earned this year’s pathfinder award, please now admit you were wrong which direction Manchester was in, Maps don’t lie! map of the UKWe then all signed a “wish you were queer here” post card and sent it from the 211 club to Dave “Pompy” Woods
Later that morning we had a call from Cpl Stewart to say he had just arrived at the hotel, he thought someone had mentioned lady-boys and decided to arrive early and check them out. At this time we were all stuck in Fleetwood so Dixie kindly went and found a bus signed Blackpool, the lady driver gave Dixie advice on the quickest way to get back, use the double decker bus in front. The bus set off and after 30 minutes we said doesn’t that building look familiar, it was the bus stop where we got on the bus. As the tour moved on every time there was a signpost for Blackpool, this bus would turn the opposite direction. Then the trip coordinator named the trip the “Ron Hall Mystery Tour”, how did that happen? I don’t recall Ron organising the trip. Hours went by and we eventually arrived at Blackpool via up by the motorway then via the opposite end of Blackpool by the pleasure beach. All that for a cappuccino, how times have changed. John Hughes joined us during the afternoon and after liquid pleasantries we had our evening meal. The hotel was full of an oap’s coach tour and the heating was on full, this made the dining room quite uncomfortable. At the end of the meal, the uninitiated (Les) stood up to leave the dining room. John Hughes said “in the mess you must ask the most senior member if you want to leave”, Les ask if this was the oldest and turned to Tommy Fromson and said “can I leave the table”? Gary had dressed for the nights lounge entertainment before he left home that morning in his best “short” shorts and flannel shirt. As that cabaret turn started her act, Gary decided to become the dancing queen and danced the night away with the pensioners. I’m surprised he didn’t get arrested with that thing dangling out the bottom of his shorts, we later found out it was his big mobile phone in his shorts pocket. In true army style everyone who was in, paraded on time for breakfast, some went straight back to bed after, but at least they made the effort. The secretary wasted no time getting news papers for the boys to read he didn’t want to see us sitting idle. Obviously the debate was about the election result from the night before and what a well hung parliament meant!, then we got onto a far more important subject, who would be in the England team for the football world cup. After long debate it was decided that we should stretch our legs down the front and catch some fresh air, so we had a stroll and went to walkabout pub for a beer and game of cards with the locals, it’s just a shame they couldn’t add up past 3 cards and had to withdraw from the game. By the time we got back to the hotel others had arrived and were in the lounge Geoff White, Tony Squirrell and Ken O’gara were the first I bumped into. No one could help but notice Brian “tow dogs” Finland and Ken “I use to be Capt Birds Eye” Pepper sitting together in deepest conversation. Obviously at that point little did we know the stress Brian had been under after finding out that very morning, that the location for the military challenge had closed down. At last Brian was able to put all those years of Military training, at tax payers expenses to a serious use. A man on a mission, he was able to make arrangements and get his master plan back on target. Well done Brian! You don’t need a bell or call to announce when it is dinner time in a hotel like this, 20 minutes before meal time pensioners appear from everywhere and queue at the dining room door. Never the less a cunning move by a small group of trained soldiers, led by the senior member Uncle Tom from Newcastle, straight through the middle of them all they stormed the door and got in first leaving the pensioners flabbergasted.
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